Starring Barry Pepper, Vin Diesel, Seth Green, Andrew Davoli, John Malkovich

Plot Summary The film follows four sons of well-known Brooklyn-based mobsters and their desperate fight to retrieve a bag of cash in a small Montana town ruled by a corrupt sheriff. As they unite to find the money, they come face-to-face with the bloodshed and betrayal that is their birthright.

Scuz: (

Two of my favorite people in one of the lamest movies ever. Gahhhhhh!!!

This movie is pretty hideous. The plot is fair but there are so many things that do not make sense that pretty soon you feel like you’re watching a Lynch movie - minus all the good stuff that Lynch generally has towards the end. It’s one of those movies that pisses you off because it’s trying to be profound and say something yet you find jack diddly. And what the heck does “knockaround guys” mean?! I still don’t get it!

The plot is some melodramatic gangster movie about a mob boss’s son who doesn’t want to be a part of the mob when he’s young, but then decides he wants to, so now he has to prove himself to his dad. Something like that. Basically the dad gives him a mission and he botches it by losing an ass-load of money.

First of all I don’t like Barry Pepper. He was in Battlefield Earth and he has this sniveling face that always looks perplexed. Not only that but his character has a homosexual nickname that no gangster would ever be afraid of. The other guy, who is supposed to be a total womanizer, was also lame. It’s not like he’s Brad Pitt or anything so stop pretending that all girls would just keel over backwards for him. Everyone laughed at the cheesy crap he used on the girls in the movie and no one was ever swooned. Seth Green is such a great cute guy, but this wasn’t for him. He makes the role totally comedic and you get confused as to what type of genre it is. Vin Diesel plays himself as usual, the total badass, but even that was wasted. Why? Because these characters suck!

Let me give you an example of their level of suckdom. In one scene, Battlefield Earth Boy goes to get some information from a small town hick cop. Only the cop and his deputy are in the office. First of all, all four of them (Battlefield and his posse: Ugly Paradox Womanizer, Scott Evil, and xXx) go in together and none of them thinks to bring any sort of weapon. But fine, that’s ok, you have FOUR guys. So Battlefield goes in and the hick cop kicks his ass. Instead of helping, all of his friends are scared back because the deputy pulls out a shotgun. This would be ok in a normal situation, BUT WE JUST SAW VIN DIESEL KICK THE CRAP OUT OF A WHOLE BAR. I really didn’t think that he would be scared of stupid deputy doo dah over there. Yeesh. So Battlefield gets beaten up and basically from then on, hick cop runs the show. Totally lame.

Another thing that pissed me off (that is unrelated to the movie but I will just blame it on it anyway) happened after I saw it. So there I was, sitting idly in an elevator when this guy walks in. He recognized some other girl in the elevator and they started talking. Here’s how the conversation goes:

Guy: Hey.
Girl: Hey! How are you?
Guy: Not too bad, just came back from seeing Knockabout (1) Guys.
Girl: Oh, really? Was that any good?
Guy: Knockabout (2) Guys? No, it actually kind of sucked.
Girl: Hmmm, I’ve never even heard of it.
Guy: Oh, it’s that movie with Mark Wahlberg (3) in it.

Who the heck fowls up that horribly on a movie?! Not only did he mess up the title ONCE. He followed it by repeating his own mess up again! And then, he topped it off by putting Mark Wahlberg in it! Ahhhhhhh, I wanted to scream, “It’s called Knockaround Guys and Mark Wahlberg is NOT in the damn movie, YOU GIANT RETARD!” That was the most hideous thing I’ve ever heard. He talked about it all coolly too, like “Hey, I’m down with the movie biz info. I know my lingo.” I realize that this isn’t the movies fault, but still! It’s related, and I’m just bitter about having to watch this so I’m just going to blame everything on it. AIDS virus? Knockaround Guys fault. War in the Middle East? Knockaround Guys fault. Wasting my time? All their fault. =P