Starring Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush, Jack Davenport, Keira Knightley

Plot Summary Set in the Caribbean Sea in the 17th century, this is the story of a gentleman rogue of a pirate, Jack Sparrow, who teams up with the daughter of a governor to stop the evil plan of a ship of dangerous pirates who are trying to reverse an ancient curse that leaves them stuck between life and death, with the light of the moon revealing their skeletons, like some kind of undead monsters.

Scuz: ()

Shiver me timbers! Blimey, this movie is awesome…ARRRRRRRRRGH.

Ok, so I’ve been anticipating this movie for quite a while, and I can gladly say that I was not disappointed. Even though it’s adapted from the infamous Disneyland ride, it declares itself its own force by having its own complete storyline, action packed sequences, and a gaggle of goofy ass characters. But you know what really makes this film work, the Depp master.

I’m going to try very hard not to turn the entire review into a gushing sermon about Johnny Depp, but his interpretation of Jack Sparrow was absolutely delightful (<~~~damn British influence!). Like so many of his other characters, he Deppifies Jack, creating this atypical guy that you would never have imagined the most fearsome pirate of the seas to be. Depp steals the show in the film, much like Daniel Day Lewis did in “Gangs of New York” and makes Jack a merry, playful, sarcastic and noble pirate (two words you’d think you’d never see together). Though some may interpret Jack to be flamboyantly gay (lots of hand flailing, and hoity toity behavior), it really doesn’t matter what orientation he is because he’s just freaking cool all the same. Besides, three different chicks slap him in the face. That ought to say something. Ok, so my gushing came first and probably will come again, for now, on to the rest of the movie.

So when you stick Jerry Bruckheimer’s name into anything, you’re almost guaranteed that the movie will have a crap load of action and explosions. Come on, even freaking “Coyote Ugly” had a jukebox that blew up. Lucky for him, I, and most of the rest of the world, enjoys such massive chaos and destruction and flocks into his movies. “Pirates” is no different. Taking the idea from the ride, very liberally, he manages to transform it into another “Armageddon/Pearl Harbor” masterpiece, well, masterpiece in terms of relentless action and a most beautiful cast. Could the cast be any hotter (ok, discount “Troy” for now and sans Rush)?!?! Story wise, it fares a little bit better than the other two, but when you watch Bruckheimer, do you really care about the story?

If you do, here it is. Basically the governor’s daughter gets kidnapped by a gang of Pirates that man the Black Pearl and the local blacksmith, who secretly has the hots for her, desperately wants to rescue her back (since the Royal Navy was pretty much like “eh.”) He can’t do it alone so he enlists Jack Sparrow, a wise WISE move, and off they go! There’s a lot more to this, but half the fun is finding out what’s what so I’ll keep that under wraps. The story isn’t bad, but it’s no “American Beauty” either, filled with lots of clichés, one liners, and innuendos. Also, a lot of the dialogue is super hard to understand since its in ye old English in British accents. But hey I’m not complaining, I’d listen to them recite the Oxford English Dictionary in British accents. Yummmmm…

So, other than Johnny, Geoffrey is pretty kick ass in his role as well. Rush, that is. For an old guy I highly enjoy Rush. He was great in “Quills” and he continues his excellence here as Barbrossa, the captain of the Black Pearl. Campy to the max, he makes Barbrossa surprisingly watchable for an atrocious villain. With the power of him and Depp, he completely overshadows the younguns in the film. Sexy Bloom is quite overshadowed in his role as Will Turner, and even though he is supposed to be the protagonist you can’t help but somewhat ignore him when the others are onscreen. And I LOVE Orlando Bloom (as in one million babies love), so that just means the other two guys are awesome. Even Knightley out shines him and shows a little more gusto and enthusiasm than he does in her role as the only girl in the movie (and no Frey she doesn’t have an ugly mouth!). She doesn’t have much to work with as the damsel in distress, except show that she’s, ahem, grown quite a bit from “Bend it Like Beckham,” but nevertheless makes good use of her stifled character. You’ve just got to love the British. I did love how the governor’s prissy ass daughter could kick ass though. Unrealistic, but a nice touch. Though Orlando, doesnt get to exercise his acting chops, it's ok because he serves as eye candy nicely all the same (except for his queer feather hat and cape at the end). And then again there's always Depp who more than covers in the acting department for what he lacks.

There I go again, back to Depp. I don’t know why but he’s evoked major love from me and is really the man in this movie. Yeah, Gore Verbinski did a pretty good job (not as good as in “The Ring” but then again this movie can hold its own without awesome directing), and the CGI is superb, but as some other reviewer noted, “Depp can make straight guys gay and lesbians straight.” Yeah, he’s just that good. For a movie with an enormous fan base from the Disneyland ride, it sure doesn’t disappoint as a fun swashbuckling adventure that falls back on the excellence of its cast and supreme campiness (although 2:20 is a little long for me). Unlike some of the heinous characters in the film, “Pirates of the Caribbean” is far from being dead in the water.
____________________________________________________________
Frey: ()

When I first heard that they were making this movie, I was a bit skeptical. I mean c'mon...a movie based on a Disneyland ride? The ride, admittedly, is one of their better ones, but movieworthy? The movie put my doubts to shame, for it is without a doubt, one of the best movies of the summer.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl is an enjoyable ride (perhaps better than the actual ride itself) that takes into the world of
pirates. Basically, every stereotype about pirates you can think of is in the movie, except instead of an eye patch, one of them as an eye that falls out of the socket. The story is about an ancient curse placed on the crew of the Black Pearl when they stole the treasure of Cortes. In order to reverse the curse, every piece of the treasure needs to be replaced along with blood of the pirates who stole it. The last piece of gold found its way to Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) who is kidnapped by the pirates believe is the descendant of one their own. Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) set out to rescue the damsel.

The award for best drunken, homosexual pirate goes to Johnny Depp. He was really brilliant in this movie. I hear that the character was pretty much his creation. The original script didn't mean for Jack Sparrow to be so over the top. But Johnny Depp added his own clever twist and it was just brilliant. The movie would not have been the same if Johnny Depp hadn't been casted. The other castmembers were decent as well but very ordinary compared to Depp. Orlando Bloom aka Legolas proved that he can still with the hearts of women without his pale complexion and long blonde hair. When Will Turner pronounced his love for Elizabeth Swann, awwww's rang out across the theater. Keira Knightley, the Natalie Portman/Winona Ryder look alike except with a really ugly mouth, was also able to hold her own in her first big role along side these big Hollywood stars. Geoffrey Rush, the oldie of the group, also gave an excellent performance as the captain of the Black Pearl.

The movie itself was just spectacular. The movie studio took quite a risk
by investing so much in a movie that doesn't already have a solid udience
base. It's not a sequel, and it's not based on a comic book. Pretty much,
the Disneyland fanatics are the only ones guaranteed to watch this movie. However, through the magic of a great cast and teaming up director Gore Verbinski (The Ring) and "every movie I make is an automatic blockbuster" producer Jerry Bruckheimer (Armageddon, Pearl Harbor), they were able to put together a spectacular movie.

So basically, I will never doubt a Disneyland ride movie again. The only gripe I have about this movie is that it was so hard to understand. Half the dialogue was spoken in a drunken British accent. I guess I'll just have to go watch it again. Darn. So when will we be seeing movies about Space Mountain, Matterhorn, and Splash Mountain? You folks at Disney work on those. But until then, bring on the Haunted Mansion!